5/27/2023 0 Comments Having difficult conversations![]() Without safety, we lapse into a defensive flight, flight or freeze mode, making it impossible to engage in a dialogue. When we feel safe, we can talk about anything. Having the ConversationĪfter sharing your positive intention for having the conversation, make sure you establish a safe space. Remember, a conversation in person is always better than one by email, as it allows each party to hear each other’s tone of voice and interpret non-verbal cues. Find a time that is convenient and suitable, and allow more time than you think you’ll need. ― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Mostīe mindful of how you invite the person to have a conversation: Make sure that the location is comfortable and private. Remember a time when you were sure you were right and then discovered one little fact that changed everything. Remind yourself that if you think you already understand how someone feels or what they are trying to say, it is a delusion. The single most important thing is to shift internal stance from “I understand” to “Help me understand.” Everything else follows from that. ![]() As human beings, we excel at filling in gaps and making assumptions. Also be aware of the assumptions you’re making. Improve your objectivity: Be aware of any language you may be using that could come across as being insulting, blaming or accusing. allow you to approach the conversation positively.Preparing for the ConversationĬlarify your intention: What do you want to accomplish? What can both parties potentially gain by having the conversation? Being able to see the big picture will: These tips can help to make difficult conversations more effective and less stressful - no matter what your position is or the topic of your conversation: 1. Here are some tips for each of the 3 stages of the conversation preparing, having and ending the conversation. potentially finding creative solutions that will make the situation better for both of you.allowing your concerns to be understood.gaining a better understanding of the other party’s perspective, needs and concerns.Other advantages of having the conversation are: But the truth is that by raising our concerns effectively and truly listening to the other person to better understand their concerns we can build a strong working relationship. We often fear that if we speak up, we will hurt the other party or the relationship. When these conversations are done well, they can help resolve issues that will not go away on their own. As a result, many of us avoid having difficult conversations altogether.Īlthough having these conversations may feel uncomfortable in the short-term –especially when emotions are running high, it is important to keep the long-term positive gains in mind. Most people overestimate the cost of having difficult conversations and underestimate the effect of unresolved conflict on their health, well-being and relationships. ![]() The benefits of having a difficult conversation A team lead wanting to talk to a fellow team lead about how their two teams can work more collaboratively after a missed deadline and some tense interactions between team members.An employee wanting to share with a colleague the impact of their disruptive behaviour or unwelcome comments.A manager wanting to address performance concerns with an employee.An employee wanting to let their manager know that the deadline is impossible to meet with the current work load and expectations.Possible difficult conversations at work include: How our larger priorities, hopes, values, concerns and fears fit into the particular context of this conversation.The relationship that we have with the person we need to talk to.Our skills and confidence in having these kinds of conversations.What makes a conversation difficult or uncomfortable for us depends or various factors including: ![]() Although speaking up may be something you are very comfortable doing, sometimes, a particular subject or person may present a challenge to you, which can make you dread what you are sure will be a difficult conversation. One important aspect of managing conflict effectively is our ability to speak up respectfully and engage in dialogue with someone when there are differences of opinion about something that is important to each of us. If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself. However, managing conflict effectively can be helpful in combating stress, keeping us healthy and strengthening our relationships. If both conflict and stress continue to grow they can feed each other with very negative consequences. Additionally, conflict in our lives can increase our stress. The amount of stress we have in our lives influences not only our health and well-being, but also how we behave, how we relate to people, and how we resolve conflict.
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